Deconstructing My Religion (Part 5)

Umbrella Hierarchy (The False Teachings of Bill Gothard)

1980 - 1985

We gathered pens, pencils, yellow highlighters, spiral notebooks, and the course syllabus. Hundreds of teenagers squirmed in their seats and peered ahead toward the front of the auditorium where an image of several umbrellas, each one larger than the one beneath, appeared on the overhead projector. The largest umbrella was labeled “Christ.” Subsequent umbrellas were labeled “Husband”, “Wife”, and “Children”.

To this day, I can recall the theme of that seminar: those who submit to God’s hierarchical plan will be protected and blessed.

It went something like this:

The husband submitted himself to Christ and the church. The wife was to submit herself to the husband. Children were to submit to parents. This concept, taught in Bill Gothard seminars, was popular throughout the fundamentalist churches in the 1970s-1980s. Submitting to this hierarchy was to bring protection and prosperity. Instead, it created the perfect storm for perpetrators.

In the fundamentalist churches of my childhood, there was no room for disagreement or differences of opinion. We were reminded of the story of Elisha, the Old Testament prophet who called out bears to maul some young men who taunted him. This was meant to discourage people from standing against “God’s anointed”. Critical thinking was not just discouraged but completely squashed.

Acceptance without question is dangerous for anyone, but consider for a moment the danger for those whose life may already be imbalanced! Consider being a wife or a child subjected to someone who is physically or emotionally abusive. A wife or a child who suffers sexual or physical abuse at the hands of someone who has authority over them does not dare to go up the chain of command to report that abuse. In so doing, they have made themselves more vulnerable within a system that offers more protection to those holding “the top umbrellas”.

Within this hierarchy established by Bill Gothard, the only proper recourse a wife had was prayer. A woman’s submission and godliness were considered the only strategy for allowing Christ to bring her husband back under the “umbrella of church authority”. Women were to humbly accept without question all the mistakes and any abusive tendencies of a husband. It was their place to remain underneath the umbrella of their husband’s authority no matter what choices he made. Divorce was out of the question, and the only acceptable type of marital counseling was that given by the pastor of the church.

Pastors also taught that “to spare the rod was to spoil the child”. The “breaking” of strong-willed children was encouraged by Christian psychologists such as James Dobson of Focus on the Family fame. I know with certainty that many parents were influenced by these teachings so that the discipline of their children became extreme and abusive. The church spoke of grace and mercy, but grace and mercy were often lacking from the umbrellas of hierarchy.

There was pressure for perfection from the top down. This created a deceitful subculture in which people were encouraged to do whatever was necessary to project a certain image. How many times from the pulpit did I hear that “the lost” were watching? If we as “Christians” gave “the lost” cause to reject Christ, their souls would be on our conscience, and we would pay the price on judgment day. How many vulnerable or mentally unstable parents felt the sting of not having “perfectly behaved” children and then abusively tried to break their will? How many wives suffered abuse alone with no conceivable recourse other than prayers to a God who never stepped down to save them from their abuser? How many men handed over money needed to feed their families because a pastor stood before the church and convinced them that it was God’s will for them to give not only ten percent of their income, but over and above for a special offering?

Oh, the stories I could tell of abuse so grotesque and unconscionable it would make the reader’s head spin!

Just One Story out of Many

“Walk down the hall and back again, taking smaller steps. Don’t swing your hips or your arms. Stand up straight.”

“Get back here and do it again! You will continue to walk up and down this hall until you get it right.”

Along with the repetitive walking, there was physical punishment. I guess I eventually got it right.

In our church, if a female attracted the improper attention of a male, it was her fault, no questions asked. To keep from offending and causing a male to sin, it was necessary to dress and act “modestly”. It sounds like a little thing, but really, it’s not. To this day, people who feel comfortable enough to comment mention my halted and unnatural gate when I walk.

The trips up and down the hallway to alter my walk were only the beginning. The preacher’s wife instructed my parents that if I could not do something in a dress (or “culottes”) then it was too masculine for my participation, and I should abstain. Before my instruction on how to walk so as not to attract the attention of men, I roamed the woods and meadows, spent leisurely days in the creek with my dog, climbed trees, and built makeshift shelters. My favorite chores were those I could do with my dad, like gathering wood for the winter, driving the truck or tractor in the hay field, or even mowing the grass. I loved being outdoors in nature. Opportunities to practice being myself were stolen from me by the church, but every day I spend outdoors as an adult with the wind and sun on my face is a victory. I hike the hills, milk the cows, gather wood, wipe sweat from my brow, wear my jeans, stomp in my boots, and flex my muscles, I am reminded that although they tried, they couldn’t take away the real me.

2025

The above story is relatively benign. My purpose here is not to shock the reader with horrific details of church abuse, although I could. Those with eyes to see and ears to hear will know the truth, but blame and victimization must end before healing can begin. This does not, however, mean I will ever sacrifice my boundaries.

My history with the church has given me a deep-seated mistrust of religious and political authoritarians. While I attend meetings with a community of believers, I have not been a member of a religious organization now for over thirty years. When the organized church welcomes contributions that benefit the common good of the community at large, then I am happy to give of myself and my resources. Often, however, when I compare the teachings of Jesus to the modern church, I am greatly confused.

Final Thoughts

Bill Gothard, the founder of the Basic Youth’s Conflict Seminar that I mentioned, eventually stepped down from his position after being accused of harassing and molesting 34 women. It really should come as no surprise.

Unfortunately, I took some of Bill Gothard’s teachings into my first marriage and, in so doing, set myself up for additional abuse. These teachings also kept me from leaving my marriage at a time when I could have protected my children from psychological abuse as they came of age. It is not a stretch to believe that my son might even be alive today if I had left my ex-husband sooner. My children have paid the price for my own choices. It’s easy for me to recognize the generational trauma of religious abuse and the cycle of pain. While I have boundaries now to protect myself from my abusers, I can still offer a measure of grace.

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Matthew 7: 15-20 KJV

¹⁵ Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

¹⁶ Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

¹⁷ Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.

¹⁸ A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

¹⁹ Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

²⁰ Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.